What do I call this?

Okay.. what's wrong with me? Why can't I understand two simple english words? Why do these words cause so much confusion in my head? I mean 'let go' is definitely not that difficult to grasp(though its practical application is soooooo not easy, as I have found to my cost).

You love somebody and that person hates you, what's so complicated about this situation? Nothing at all, all you have to do is 'let go' and 'move on'. Eazzzzzzzzzy...........right?

This 'LET GO' and 'MOVE ON' phase varies in duration for different people, for some it ranges in days, for others in months...for me, unfortunately, it ranges in years.

But don't feel sorry for me (its actually no use), I'm ok, infact I'm good, I have people around me who like to see me happy, so I'm good except for this vast unending emptiness inside me, I'm really more normal then you would probably expect me to be. I can laugh at myself and that seriously helps.

Sometimes I think its my stupidity, I don't even try to move on (somewhere I'm still hoping and just how stupid is that?). I'm scared of losing him completely, of not remembering him at all. I want him to be there forever (in my head and my heart) even if it causes me pain. I want to shout at myself 'GET A LIFE'. Hell, its complicated, I want to 'move on' but I don't want to 'let go' of him.

Henceforth, the CONCLUSION is that I'm STUCK 'big time' writing nonsense like above and not accepting what's there in front of my eyes.

Its like being stuck in quicksand......the harder you try to get out, the deeper in you go, so........I QUIT. I'll go with the flow...lets see where it takes me.