Tuesday, July 6, 2010

What do I call this?

Okay.. what's wrong with me? Why can't I understand two simple english words? Why do these words cause so much confusion in my head? I mean 'let go' is definitely not that difficult to grasp(though its practical application is soooooo not easy, as I have found to my cost).

You love somebody and that person hates you, what's so complicated about this situation? Nothing at all, all you have to do is 'let go' and 'move on'. Eazzzzzzzzzy...........right?

This 'LET GO' and 'MOVE ON' phase varies in duration for different people, for some it ranges in days, for others in months...for me, unfortunately, it ranges in years.

But don't feel sorry for me (its actually no use), I'm ok, infact I'm good, I have people around me who like to see me happy, so I'm good except for this vast unending emptiness inside me, I'm really more normal then you would probably expect me to be. I can laugh at myself and that seriously helps.

Sometimes I think its my stupidity, I don't even try to move on (somewhere I'm still hoping and just how stupid is that?). I'm scared of losing him completely, of not remembering him at all. I want him to be there forever (in my head and my heart) even if it causes me pain. I want to shout at myself 'GET A LIFE'. Hell, its complicated, I want to 'move on' but I don't want to 'let go' of him.

Henceforth, the CONCLUSION is that I'm STUCK 'big time' writing nonsense like above and not accepting what's there in front of my eyes.

Its like being stuck in quicksand......the harder you try to get out, the deeper in you go, so........I QUIT. I'll go with the flow...lets see where it takes me.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Letter to a friend

Before I begin the letter, I'll give you some background info on this.....I wrote this in Feb 2010 when I was going through a pretty rough patch with a really invaluable friend of mine.I never gave the letter to the intended person but the situation sorted itself out, thankfully. Now that I read the letter again I feel as if majority of that letter fits not just that one friendship but most of the relationships that have ever gone wrong in my life (or currently are not in a great shape) and probably in your life too. Read on and tell me what you think.


sounds odd, right? Since when do we begin our conversations with 'hello'? By the way when was our last conversation?

I thought of posting this to you (through your door ofcourse) but I seeem to be suffering from a 'crisis-of-guts' lately. Its easier to blog & hope that you would read it.

Hmmmmmm.........how do I start? I'm tired of hoping that the sun would suddenly shine & things would be okay. Everything worthwhile always takes up a lot of effort & our friendship is definitely worth the effort. Only I dont know where to begin. I tried (& I got vibes that where colder than siberia or so I thought.......correct me if I misinterpret you, I have been doing that a lot lately.....)

I have stopped trying to think who's fault it was. That would only make things worse as I dont think it was my fault & you obviously don't think it was yours (and you think it was my fault while I think it was yours). It doesnt really matter who's fault it was. The problem is that the other is not willing to forgive (was the mistake so life-threatening or rather so 'friendship-threatening'?). Does the past hold such little importance?

I remember the first time I saw you, you had a big smile on your face, the kind of smile that makes the world smile back at you. Since then we have shared some great times together. You have been a good friend (I don't think I was bad either). But the way we have been acting these past few days, as if the other person is a part of the wall....its time to stop. Years from now, when I take a walk down the memory lane and I remember you, I want to be able to call you up and talk to you which won't be possible if this cold war scenario continues any longer.

These past few days I had started thinking that you just didn't care but now I realize that it was insufferably arrogant of me to think that I am the only one who feels. Someone like you who gets hurt so bad must care so much.

They say time heals but all time does is solidify change so if something is bad & you leave it at that, it gets worse & then there's no going back. We don't really have a lot of time left together so lets be friends all over again.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Was thinking last night..

Just found out that you were here;
not for me, for someone else.
It hurt like hell but didn't show
cause you took so much out of me,
there's nothing left anymore.
No tears to cry, no pain to feel,
all emptiness where you had been
and there no light will ever reach.

If going back was possible,

it would be wise for me to go
and erase you from my life,
then all darkness, all emptiness would go,
I would be able to breathe again.
But then I think of a life without having known you,
what sort of life would that be?
There would be no hurt, no pain and no you....
May be I'm not so wise after all.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Gandhigiri.. do we really get it?

Munnabhai aur circuit ke muh
humne suni kahani hai ;
eye-for-eye purana hua
ab gandhigiri ki bari hai.

Aaj-kal sare directions me

gandhigiri ka shor hai
'gandgigiri is the in-thing
even if Gandhi bada bore hai'
gandhiwad ka make-over karke
humne gandhigiri karli invent
but how many of us see beyond the hype
to the message that was meant?

Gandhigiri is not just sending flowers to your foe

its about making sure he's no longer your foe
gandhigiri is not getting in the papers by going on a fast
its the willingness to sacrifice yourself for a cause you think is just

Gandhigiri is all about following gandhi's ideals

but do we understand them & do we even care?
everybody around is joining the bandwagon
trying to be part of the wave, just joining in the fun.
The real change will come when
we are willing to bring it
by not just talking about gandhigiri
but accepting and following it.

Till then Gandhigiri will just be

another passing fad,
yet another gimmick to market
a movie or an add.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Love in its many colours

I have known love
in many colours and hue,
but I honestly don't know
how you tell if its true?

There's a small kid,
he has a little kitty;
he feeds it from his own plate
and the sight is very pretty.
It is probably the most innocent of all forms of love.
Can you decide if it is true?
I prefer to observe.

Its lunch-break at school,
a girl is sitting alone.
She doesn't have a snack-box,
there's nothing at home.
There comes another girl,
she sits besides her friend.
She opens her snack-box
and says 'There's enough for both of us'.
Call it friendship or love for a friend;
whether its true, you gladly be the judge.

Its a winter evening,
chilly and cold;
just the two of them are out,
oblivious to the world;
'I have to leave, there's nothing here for me',
he says all dejected.
She holds his hand and smiles at him,
passing her strength over to him;
but deep inside she is thinking 'Not even me?'
May be you'll say 'That's true love',
but if its love, how can it be otherwise?

He fell down and hurt himself,
she took him in her arms.
He painted all over her floors,
she smiled at her little artist.
He was mad at her, he wouldn't eat,
he shut himself in his room.
She was mad too, she didn't eat,
how could she when he hadn't?
He opened his eyes, he searched for her
but she was nowhere there,
'cause she was in another ICU,
she had just given him a new life.
Her love is like the sky,
it doesn't end, it doesn't fade,
it is there forever.

So, when you ask me
if my love for you is true?
Just know that what I feel for you,
it runs so deep, right into my very soul,
that it cannot be false.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Kahe ka 'aal izz well'?

Indians love slogans,especially feel-good slogans which give them relief from the depression of our daily lives: the corruption, the traffic jams, the dirty politics, the see-saw stock markets as well as the see-saw fortunes of the cricket team, thats why the India shining slogan was initially such a hit(it was only later that people realised that it was all a farce).

The last slogan that all of us fell in love with was 'jadu ki jhappi'.And now the crown has been transferred to 'Aal iz well'.The newest kid on the block is creating waves everywhere. This is a slogan like one never before. Everybody from the politicians to the paupers is chanting this mantra.

Like Aamir aka Rancho in the movie says 'Apna dil bahut darpok hai, use bewakuf bana ke rakhna padta hai', I think that's what everyone is doing, except it is each other we are trying to fool and not just our 'bichara dil'.These days you shout at a rickshaw-wala 'Bhaiya....lambe raste se kyun le ja rahe ho? Main paise nahi dungi' and he will most probably tell you this 'Arre madam, kyun chinta karti hain? AAl IZ WELL' (and then he'll charge you 20 bucks more for the feel-good factor).

The slogan is fast on its way to be ranked at the top of the 'grossly-misused' list(I'm sure such a list would be available somewhere on the internet). For instance its great when a doctor says 'AAL IZ WELL' to his patients or their family and gives them a little bit of hope, but when a politician undergoing trial in the court of justice says 'ALL IZ WELL' about his state of affairs I'm sure anyone would feel like chucking a shoe at him,a la-al-zaidi, and shouting 'kahe ka aal iz well?' to his loser-face. Your parents probably feel the same when your exam results are out and you give them an 'ALL IZ WELL'(which they obviously and understandably don't agree with) and the worst is when you have a heart-break and people tell you aal iz well,then you feel like shouting '**** you all' from rooftops.

It would be great if aal really waz well with the world but as we can see it obviously isn't so when we go around giving people the feel-good vibes it probably wouldn't hurt to try and make it last by working a little towards the AAL IZ WELL goal. Wat say people? Lets earn our right to say 'AAL IZ WELL'.


She cries in the night,
wondering what went wrong?
what did she do?
why is this the end of her song?

She doesn't want to blame you

so she blames herself;
she still cares for you
but you couldn't care less.

She tried all she could think of

to make sure it would work;
she only ended up losing
you faster then she thought.

There are friends all around

and they've been trying to help
but can anyone help you
when you can't help yourself?

What was the problem?

was she too honest?
was she too vague?
was she too insensitive?
or did she just bore you to death......
maybe too demanding
or maybe too possessive,
maybe a little bit obsessed
or maybe like a noose around your neck....
didn't she understand you?
or didn't she accept you?
or did she want you to be somebody else?

May be she should have told you sooner

how she felt,
but how could she
when she didn't know it herself?
The thought of losing you brought it all home
that she's been in love with you
all this time along......

She never wanted to hurt you

but she knows she must have had;
cause you wont behave like this
unless you've been hurt really bad.
She hopes you would see
that she's been hurt the same way;
its ok if you don't love her
just,please,don't go away......

She is trying to get over you,

she knows you wont come back
but if someday you turn around
you'll probably still find her
waiting for you to complete her song......